?

Log in

power · is · made


by power being taken

Recent Entries · Archive · Friends · Profile

* * *
i been all around looking for someone to hold me down
i been everywhere searching for a love that i can share
and in the morning when i wake i get a feeling i just can't mistake
i'm just a lonely soul somethin like a child without a home

and thats when i close my eyes and i find peace a little of mind
in the thought of you and making love to me then i do you

flip fuck flip fuck

in the heat of the night i can feel you burning with desire
if it isn't real say it now and tell me whats the deal
new lows new highs we can just relax and improvise

flip fuck flip fuck

* * *
something strange is happening to me
i can't tell if its real or a fantasy
everything just seems like a mystery
everybody is blind to reality
someone knows something i don't maybe
close my eyes so i don't ever see
what it is and what it could never be
something strange is happening to me

something strange is happening to me
turned around and lost my one and only
left so fast i thougt i was at the grand prix
spending cash til i was left with nothing

nothing good nothing right
out of mind out of sight
got your food got your gas
then you up and leave my ass

* * *
in the streets its always hot
winter spring and summer fall
some will stay and some will move
never catch me off my groove
always on the ones and twos

got my radio
got my little ho
bout to grab 44
just in case u kno
cause


i live for the streets
i die for the streets
i rhyme on these beats wit my radio blastin
with my .44 bangin
with my little ho smashin it

ho
and every bitch i meet
is gonna get the beat your gonna hear her scream when i get my mack in
oh daddy don't do this to me you're the smoothest player born and raised on the streets
with them alligator gucci 37's on your ride
never walking cause the lac outside is lookin kinda fly
never pay attention to them niggas that be walkin by
what they seein they be hatin on i'm just a normal guy
except i live for the streets
i die for the streets
i rhyme on these beats with my radio blasting
Current Mood:
hungry hungry
Current Music:
.. tantu instrumental hook ideas
* * *
why you wanna trip on me?
just don't understand it...
* * *
what i'm feeling inside i don't know how much longer i can keep it in
i'm battling these feelings and in an instant i'm flooded with thoughts that are too big for my eyes and hands to coordinate themselves properly enough to create what it is that i need to. its a tough place to be and the problem is that its years . nd years of poor decisions and apprehension that have lead me to this point - and this seems to be my only opportunity to get out of the mess i'm in though - i know its never the only opportunity to change and enhance the piece of my being that i covet the most. what do i really want? i find myself asking that question time and time again - where do i really want to be? not sure really but i know that i'm prepared for whatever it is that may come my way., my delusions of grandeur will now manifest themselves in a way to shed a light onto those parts of me that have be so hidden away over the years. and even though i'm just now beginning to realize and immortalize my past i feel i can use it to my advantage and speak and sing and dance from a more pure place. don't tell me that what i'm doing is wrong i will have none of that malarkey!
Current Location:
rockville centre
Current Mood:
anxious anxious
Current Music:
carmen rizzo and esthero too rude
* * *
* * *
haven't been here in a while - i'm about to go out for a cigarette and when i get back this kid better be gone
* * *
i'm picky too. theres alot of mess on my shoulders. so i shrug it off.
i was born this way. nobody can change me. everything about me is genuine
through and through. though there comes a point where action is reaction.
doing it again and harder better faster strong bigger wider higher.
this is the start of something big. well, isn't it always? and when they
say i'm crazy, all i have to say is... you can never be too crazy
Current Mood:
lonely lonely
Current Music:
wendy williams
* * *
starts now!
* * *
this summer is all about the new record, the new apartment & the new boyfriend.

i'm blessed in more than many ways.

i bet if i give all my love then nothing's gonna tear us apart.

Current Mood:
flirty infatuated
Current Music:
"find your love" drake
* * *
in the more recent weeks i've been formulating alot of potential energy that will soon realize itself as an incredible vision that transforms the minds of believers, non-believers and everyone in between. staying up late at night, without the support i need & still rising to accomplish one of the many dreams that were once piped in hot water, fresh and cool. now i'm able to drink without feeling guilty.
Current Location:
United States, New York
Current Mood:
calm anti-anxiety
Current Music:
rachel ray
* * *
* * *
what could the world see
if it was just only you and me?
tell me what would we even know
if the sky didn't tell us so
i can't live on another day
wondering how, wondering why
and i'm scared you'll be there
but i won't come out alive...
* * *
he took my heart, i think he took my soul.
i left him there... i couldn't do it to my only friend
what would i be doing @ her home without her.
me and her brother? oh no never that...
i would never do that
i could never wear that hat
wipe me feet and then take it off
sit down have a cup of tea and enjoy some beer with a decent head
and then take off
into downtown, just pass the left park on the bank of the bridge by the sea.
an envoy of come hither me seamen and women are coming closer
i could never betray my friend
not this one at least.
she is the name to my song
the right side of the bridge to my wrong...xx
Current Music:
rihanna cold case love
* * *
love starved with no heart to give

not even half of my life to live

when you stopped me right in my tracks

you took all the love i could never ever get back

school girls in the school yard from ninety two

who woulda thought that it would be you

to leave me broken & blue

now i'm love starved

and so are you

love starved

broken & blue

oh baby i'm love starved

and so are you

i gotta recharge my battery

and make my heart what it was always supposed to be

two times what i was before

and never feel love starved anymore...

Current Mood:
nostalgic nostalgic
* * *
who says i can't take time
meet all the girls in the county line
wait on fate to send a sign
who says i can't take time?

it's been a long in new york city
its been a long night in austin too
i don't remember you looking any better
but then again, i don't remember you

* * *
she's so very very crazy, she's an unpredictable girl.
so sexy, man arrest me if i don't get on her
i'd like to picnic in the park after dark, on your mark get ready set go!
* * *
* * *
its the mesuganah raceway
it's the mesuganah party
it's the mesuganah birthday
and we're oil havin fun in are own diffent ways
* * *
I like 100 words, the number 9, aim, art, bel air homes, biggie, bill maher, black coffee, britney spears, brown sugar, cafe tropical, california, cars, cameras, cereal, cheese, chocolate, colors, computers, conan o'brien, croissants, cuties, dancing, elephants, embers rising from a fire, fashion, fried foods, fruit punch, good times, heidi klum, hip hop, holly james, hot chocolate, jason mraz, jennifer lopez, john mayer, johnny depp, jones beach, laughing, leighana, lindsay lohan, live journal, london, love, making the band, mariah carey., meg c, michael jackson, money, mtv, music, my face, new york, newlyweds, nyu, paris, paris hilton, pictures, pizza, sade, san francisco, saved by the bell, scissor sisters, sean paul, sex and the city, sisters, smiling, snickers, south beach, stars, sunsets, tea, the doors, the time it takes for anything to get done, time,whipped cream, will&grace, writing
Current Mood:
determined determined
Current Music:
"I Can't Stand The Rain" Seal
* * *
in the day she goes to a place that no one knows
misty rain @ night and she always keeps it tight
she comes from far, she doesn't drive her own car
but she gets there, she gets there on time...
she takes the train even in the rain
and she gets there, she gets there one time...

leighana, leighana, leighana, leighana
leighana, leighana, leighana, leighana

her own weight in gold is the price as is sold
can't complain, so bright like the sun and the moon
have no choice but to swoon
she's okay, she's alright
she wants to gain and she don't care about a thing
it's in her name...leighana, leighana

leighana, leighana, leighana, leighana
leighana, leighana, leighana, leighana

thats my baby
thats my girl
she my honey
rules my world
thats my baby
thats my girl
sweet as honey
just pure & perfect

leighana, leighana, leighana, leighana
leighana, leighana, leighana, leighana
Current Location:
Home
Current Mood:
accomplished i need a 2nd opinion
Current Music:
Aesop Rock
* * *
hanging round another town, so much fog...
there's so much fog
it isn't what i thought it would be...
visions from the pictures in a magazine
we're all the way but always unseen
just like a river, it's ever flowing
and here's the money
& now it's showing...

don't do me no more
any favours
can't take it no more
you being my savior
i could lie on the floor, lay on my back
but my life in return is not where it's at
don't do me no more
any favours
can't take it no more
i'm not your slave girl
if i mean so much more to you that
then my heart in return is not where its at

the difference, see the difference between you and me
i'm gettin paid and you're a drama queen
just like an army
we keep the fighting
i lost a battle
but war, i'm winning...

* * *
valentino is amazing.
he is quintessentially italian fashion/haute couture @ its finest
i am extremely inspired
and despite my run of bad luck involving the police & debt collectors
i feel like i have a bright future ahead of me

the flower shop
sixty four
dee jay sets and more...

i am drinking a smoothie with acai, pineapple sherbert mangoes and strawberries
i just took a wheat grass shot to build up my immune system
and i'm about to burn an L...
life is great
no matter what anyone says
you can't tell me different

i'm an attractive twenty something with the mind of a genius.
i deserve to be loved and showered with affection (material, physical & emotional & spiritual)
this is my purpose
to love another for 45 years
and to never get tired
because the love at the center of it all is divine and artistic.

xx

Current Location:
565 grant avenue
Current Mood:
weird something else
Current Music:
raymond fixing the pipes & haitian homecare worker
* * *
* * *
when winding my mind
in attempts to find the better way
i'm lost either or
i'm forced to decide.

and clasps and snaps won't do well enough
holding my own, i'm not so tough.

i wake up as soon as i fall asleep nowadays
there's is too much on my mind, too much to be done
too much that i don't want to run away from.
i'm in the right place now
i'm at my best when i'm down
to find a way to come-back out on top.

better, better, better
i'm losing this thing thats so thankless
like faith, a bankless design.
it happens, or doesn't
summer to autumn
man to the moon

Current Mood:
gloomy morning rain
Current Music:
"breeze" ramses alexandre
* * *
i'm ready to take initiative and correct
the lies are catching up to me as i defect
i want this to be comfortable for the both of us
but the way things have been going i think its enough
granted the comfort zone is safe
but times are tough and i need a base
at all the lonely times in congruence
with what was one of my memories contained in some semblance of self defense
thats where i found and out from escape
in bending the truth to recapture my fate
i'm quite aware of myself
and i'm pretty sure you still need help
it's even more clear
that as one becomes brighter, one disappears
where one wishes naive would never leave
the others sold on being old
and on a day like today there's nothing wrong.
stand lonely thrashing wine
it should fill the boredom you've aquired
for some time i'll be sitting as low as i can
and in a contemporary fashion, the winds will lift me
and nothing will be separated
so nothing will kill me
without first taking the life
of everything else first or instead.
Current Location:
my very own bedroom
Current Mood:
relaxed relaxed
Current Music:
"pourtant" vanessa paradis
* * *
i've realized that i dont have any problems. all the problems that i do have belong to other people. other people need me to be empathetic, more like pathetic. other people need me to be understanding, standing where they should be. other people need me to be kind like a rind, discarded. i don't want to do this anymore. i dont want my father to control my life the way he is able to when i give him that power. its sickening to think that for 23 years i was blind to what he is doing. all he wants from me is for me to get angry. he knows the hate he tried to put in my heart by abusing me as a child, physically beating me and in turn me, internalizing all of it keeping myself repressed. he wants me to blow up one day so that my whole career and life ahead in worthless. i'm fragmented, so i'm keeping my distance. i'm looking for a safe haven, somewhere with no pressure from someone to expect me to yell back or be sympathetic to what they're going through. i'm a firm believer in karma. what you do will come back to you. maybe not immediately or even in the same way at all, but it will all come back to you thirty nine fold. and my dad has alot of ugly in him...god doesn't like ugly. my life could be taken from me instantaneously, i'd still be better, stronger, harder, faster, fitter, lighter, brighter and more intelligent than he. it didn't take me as long as it does others to figure out what he is attempting. what father in his right mind would want anything but his only son, his only lifeline to the after world, to do better than he. my father is in competition with me, because at the end of the day, he is just a man like all the others, survival of the fittest. since that is the case, i have been left with no choice. he's tried to ruin my relationship with myself unsuccessfully. he's ruined my relationship with him willingly and as lovingly as possible. sick. he's ruined my relationship with my sisters. and now he's attempting at ruining the last bit of a relationship i have with my mother. i don't need a family but my own. i don't need people who don't understand how to just live their own lives around me. people who desire to have what they see as a full sense of control. i will not be controlled. i never was and i think thats the problem. because my father viewed me as a way out. a way out of all the mistakes he made in his life. but no buddy, i'm no 14 year old catholic school girl. you want to fuck with me, you better expect a fight. then again, that would not be fair...to pit me 23, wonderful physique, fast as all hell, with a rage for days up against a 55 year old fat pre geriatric fagot. i'm going back to dance classes full time before my big move. i need to get my aggression out in some productive form. singing, writing, acting, and painting aren't physical enough for me. i need to jump to show myself who i am without anything or anyone. that is where my strength within lies, in my physicality and the acknowledgment that nothing and no one can take that away from me. you'd have to kill me first. he has greatly oppressed me from my youth
but he will not gain victory over me.
Current Mood:
irate irate
Current Music:
"Vanishing" Mariah Carey
* * *
i toss and turn
i keep stress
in my mind mind.
i look for peace,
but see i dont attain
what i need for keeps.
this, silly game we play.
now look at this: 'madness' the magnet
keeps attracting me, me
i try to run
but see i'm not that fast
i think i'm first
but surely finish last
last last.

Current Mood:
busy busy
Current Music:
jones...we born to die
* * *
I have dreams of taking my baby, stripped of its clothes young and fragile, and forcing it into a busy intersection. Cars becoming screeching halts and others drive right by and right away. The ones that do stop, get out. They are my new victims. I do my best to distract them enough for me to be unarmed, but if things get filthy and I become nervous there's no telling what ill come through. I'd immediately run towards the driver seat, grab my baby with one swift throw and curtain of the actual arm I use to protect us both. Then I drive home, with my baby and he cries so hard until he falls asleep. And he's with me like he was when he was born then I used him then I saved him again.
Current Location:
long island, ny
Current Mood:
awake awake
Current Music:
ask myself, robin thicke
* * *
Error running style: S2TIMEOUT: Timeout: 4, URL: tns4t.livejournal.com/ at /home/lj/src/s2/S2.pm line 531.